Thursday, November 1, 2012
MY MOTHER
My mother passed away peacefully on 14 October 2012 at 6.02pm of stroke and heart attack. Her wish to pass away peacefully with dignity, not bedridden, and not become a burden to the family was fulfilled. Another of her wish was to pass away before dinner. Her reason was not to finish all the food, but to leave behind the food for the next generation. This was truly inspiring.
Most important of all, she discreetly left instructions to me about her own funeral arrangements, especially the dress she wanted for her final journey. This meticulous instructions left no dilemmas for the living. She even planned how her assets were to be shared left no disharmony among the children. I am honoured she had entrusted me to safekeep her asset. This meticulous micromanagement skill is the hallmark of my beloved mother.
My mother, Ngiam Juat Eng was born in 1926, Year of the Tiger to a peasant family on Hainan Island in a small, remote and poor village. She was the middle child and only daughter. She had 2 older brothers in Singapore and 2 younger brothers in China of which only the youngest is still alive.
Her father was a very tall man, extra ordinary height for a Chinese villager. Besides being a farmer, he was also a very skilful carpenter for household furniture. Her mother was like most women in China, they tended to the farms as well as being the home maker. My mother also had cousins from her father's sister. The two Han Aunties she considered her close relatives and visited them often.
Like most of the girls during her time, the family did not have the means to provide her any formal education. Traditionally she was supposed to be married in the teens. Unfortunately when she was at the marriageable age, WW2 came. She recalled she had to run and hide whenever news of Japanese soldiers were approaching her village. She also had to wear ragged and old clothing to make her look older and unattractive should she be captured by the Japs.
During and after the war, economics situation was dire. The people were poor and unemployment was prevalent. There were fewer young and eligible men seeking marriage. The lack of suitable men were particularly more serious in the villages as most men had left the village in search of jobs. My mum was already in her twenties and by then her parents were very concerned as she had passed her marriage age.
In her times, all marriage was arranged. Her father finally managed to arrange her marriage to my father who was 21 years older than her. My father had lost his first wife in Kulai, Malaysia. She was brutally bayoneted by the Japs. My father will never forget the cruelty and the suffering he had endured during the Japanese occupation. But he never wanted to recount on the death of his first wife, I guessed it’s just too painful to share with us.
I think my mother was married around 1948 and gave birth to my brother, Yoon in 1949. I heard from my relatives and also pieced some of what she said that the marriage was one that she did not welcomed. Defying the parents wish was definitely frown upon in those days.
Like all arranged marriage in those days, the couple made the best out of their marriage, they learnt and nurtured the love, overcame the pain and stress. Both my parents dutifully and responsibly raised a family. Overtime, my parents were committed to one another and lived happily "till death do us part".
My mother courageously shouldered the heavy responsibility, endured the hardship, and faithfully performed her role as wife and mother without complains.
After marrying my father, her new family included a mother in law and two step children. It was her duty to care for them.
Not long after marriage, my father left Hainan Island for Singapore for find a job. My mother had to be independent and work very hard in the new family. My mother told me she had to walk miles to deliver her first child without my father presence.
My mother had to grow food in the family farming lot. To earn some money to supplement the little remittance from my father, she collected fire woods and walked miles to another village to sell it.
I know my father loved her and was a very responsible husband. He was fully aware of her hardship and her struggles. In those days, the only means of communication with my father was an occasional letter by sea mail. It must be tough for her during those years.
In 1953, my father successfully applied for her passage to Singapore to join him. They were reunited and my father bought an attap house with saving and loan from relative in a very rural area in Sembawang. It was in this house I was born in 1954. There was no tap water nor electricity in this house. Water was drawn from well. Cooking was done on wood stove. Light was from the sun and at night the kerosene lamp were lighted.
In the early years, life in Singapore was really tough. But for a hard-working mother like her, we still had enough to eat. In 1955 and 1959, she had another daughter and a son, respectively. Together, my mother had four children, 3 boys and a girl. She single-handedly provided the child care and found the time to tend to the farm.
During our growing up years, she continued to do farming, reared chickens and pigs to supplement the family income. When we were in primary schools, she also worked in the rubber plantation, tapping rubber for latex. Over the years, when I started working, life improved and she stopped working. Thereafter, she had more comfort and quality of life improved.
Looking back, my mother toiled from morning to night with no holidays. The work she put in was back breaking, and yet she accepted her faye without complaining. This was really admirable.
My mother has the satisfaction of seeing all her sons getting married. Together they gave her 6 grandchildren and all had completed university education which I knew she was very proud. She was very fortunate to even have 2 great grandchildren which she was very fond of and delighted whenever they visited her.
It’s really hard to describe my mother in a few words. She had many outstanding attributes but I too had to be honest, she too had many human weaknesses and idiosyncrasies. I choose to remember and cherish her strengths and attributes.
Her greatest attribute was the unforgettable motherly love she showered on me as well as all those under her charge. Her motherly love is absolutely unconditional. Unconditional means she was prepared to do anything, anytime, anywhere and under any conditions. All to ensure our comfort and well being with no regards to her own pains and inconveniences. And her effort were not done to bargain for something in return. There were uncountable instances of such love that I will always cherish. Her unconditional love was also extended to my nephew as well as both my daughters whom she helped me cared for. I believe my nephews, niece and daughters would stand by what I wrote.
To me, I am forever indebted to my mother.
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